Breathing…it’s difficult sometimes

I’ve been craving a real vacation these past few weeks.  I dream of being anywhere but here, and it’s making my work suffer.   I feel inadequate and ineffective.  I know I have a lot to offer, but I’ve completely lost all steam, work-wise.  It’s very difficult being a female Peace Corps volunteer.  I am used to and expect a certain treatment, which is lacking in country where social norms are very different in some cases.  I’ve come to firmly believe that while cultural sensitivity and respect is important and essential, there is in fact objective rightness and wrongness.  Somethings are just plain wrong–no matter what religious background you may cling to, no matter what your ancestors may have done, and no matter if everyone else is doing it.

I just found out that a young girl who lives down the road from me died today in childbirth along with her baby.  As hard as it may be being a professional woman in the “developing” world, it’s even more difficult being a woman born into it.

Sometimes I feel very frustrated with certain men I meet here.  But I’ll admit, I adore the little neighborhood boys who play in my yard.  They are truly so sweet.  I just want to scoop them up and push my feminist belief systems on them before it’s too late!  So I do…

Anyway, I needed to cheer myself up so I wrote a list of things I love, things that make me who I am (no matter where I am).

Stuff I love (and stuff I want to learn):

playing the violin, playing the guitar, playing the piano*, running*, photography*, reading*,writing poetry*, children, therapy, music*, singing*, incense*, traveling on cheap*, spider webs*, flowers*, gardening*, baking*, moths*, comedies*, horror stories*, languages-french*, spanish, italian, german, russian, and japanese, current political issues*, protesting*, activists*, veganism, organic fruits and vegetables*, internet*, Face Book*, iPod*, blogging*, FRIENDS*, bein’ free*, bein’ a woman*, P** 😉 art*…

The list could go on a lot longer, but I feel satisfied.  I’ll leave it at that.  I refuse to feel guilty for feeling down sometimes.  I refuse to feel guilty for anything I feel, at any time.  It’s all okay.  There are no rules.  Just breathing.


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